It’s March. Welcome to National Nutrition Month.

The highpoint of the month, I guess, will be March 11 because it is National Registered Dietitian Day. May I suggest you take your registered dietitian out for ice cream that day? Good source of calcium, you know, and if you add a cherry, don’t forget to count that as a serving of fruit.

And that, my friends, is the twisted thinking that got me where I am today. Chubbette that I am.

For instance, Peanut M&Ms are a good source of protein. Wine, since it is derived from grapes, counts as a serving of fruit. Duh.

Everyone knows food eaten standing up has fewer calories than anything eaten sitting at a table. Ditto tastes from other people’s plates.

Free food, since it is free, has zero calories. Go ahead. Enjoy all food samples galore at the grocery store!

Items consumed in the name of a religious holiday, being special as they are, receive special dispensation from some higher authority. So those pancakes, butter and syrup I ate at my church’s Shrove Tuesday pancake supper probably put me into a caloric deficit.

Need more nutitious ideas? I’ve got ‘em. Chocolate, being the international food group, goes with anything and everything. And all food eaten standing up has no calories. Holes are nothing so naturally a donut hole would have zero calories. Food eaten to make someone feel better (i.e. “honey, I baked this pie just for you), since it is consumed in the spirit of cooperation, is not fattening.
All that being said, sometimes my clothes are too tight. Anyone know why?