So I drive to one of those swanky movie theaters, the kind where you don’t even have to go up to the counter for your popcorn. It’s one of those where the smiling popcorn boy brings it to you at the light of a buzzer. That and a glass of wine, and I’m set.

And happy, very happy for what should be an enjoyable few hours. I’m all relaxed in the comfy, spacious leather lounge chair. The theater goes dark, the credits roll. Julia Roberts spends more than two hours eating, praying and loving, but I can’t pay attention.

Wanna know why?

Smart phones, I tell you! The equivalent of a hand-sized flashlight keeps shining in my eyes. Not once, not twice but multiple times by multiple people.

How to deal with this rudeness…how to correct what is becoming epidemic…how to make it stop.

For some of the Gen Y-ers who can’t make it for less than two-and-a-half hours without the stupid phone, could we have a separate theater? Could I get them to pay me on a pro-rated basis the parts of the movie I miss because of their flashes of light? Could I bring my own flashlight and just point them out?

Which brings me to another question. Do movie theater ushers exist any more? They could have job security with this movie light problem, and if they’d straighten it out, I might even reach into my pocketbook for a tip like I gave popcorn boy.

Enough is enough, so officially let me make it very clear that I’ve had quite enough of this weather.

I’ve never been a “summer” person. Don’t like the clothes, and I definitely hate the heat. I love a good rainy, winter day–you know the kinds where the chili’s on the stove and you can spend a Saturday afternoon reading a great book.

My theory is that we like weather based on our genetics. I’m mostly Irish, so consequently, wearing a sweater on a cold, rainy day is just fine with me.

But here I am in Texas, and I’ve got to cope. How are you coping? Snow cones? Swimming pool? Astronomical air conditioning bills?

My way of coping is not turning on my oven. It hasn’t been clicked to “on” since July, maybe June. (The one time I had to bake a cake does not count.)

Anyway, I thought I’d help those of you who, like me, are coping by sharing a “too-darn-hot-to-heat-up-the-kitchen recipe. Let me know how you like it:
Janet’s Chicken and Rice Salad
4-5 Chicken breasts, boiled and cubed
1 4-ounce can sliced mushrooms, drained
2 C. cooked rice, cooled
1 C. sliced celery
1/2 C. sliced black olives
1/2 C. chopped fresh parsley
3/4 C. creamy Italian salad dressing (I can’t find this any more so I subbed creamy Caesar, and it was fine)
1/4 C. mayonaise
2 T. mustard
Combine first six ingredients in large bowl, mix well. combine dressing, mayo, mustard and salt to taste. Mix well and stir into chicken mixture. Chill at least four hours. Serves 4 to 6.

It’s hot. Summer’s goes on. And on.

Are these the dog days of summer?

Even if they indeed are, I’ve got an escape for you. Air conditioning is involved.

Before the end of this month, get thyself over to the Ross Akard Gallery, located at 1717 N. Akard Street in Dallas (www.rossakard.com). That’s actually inside The Fairmont Dallas. There’ll you’ll find a fabulous display of musical memorabilia, courtesy of Dallas Summer Musicals (www.dallassummermusicals.org). 

In celebration of Dallas Summer Musicals’ 70th anniversary, gallery owner Bryan Embry has given over the space this month to a showing theater lovers will love. In addition to the DSM’s Tony Awards, the display includes photos, Playbills and costumes.

Which shows? At the opening reception I attended, I spied items from such faves as “Mamma Mia!,” “Rent,” “Bob Fosse’s Dancin’,” and “Cabaret.”

If you want to make it a really great field trip, go ahead and book The Fairmont’s Broadway suite (www.fairmont.com/dallas).It’s filled with still more Broadway mementos.

Then while you’re thinking about how you love musicals and how you love cooler weather, make plans for another field trip. Tickets are on sale for “Shrek the Musical” which will hit The Music Hall at Fair Park Sept. 28 through Oct. 17.

My fantasies often involve pen and paper.

It goes like this: I’m sitting at a table, and I look up at the approaching stranger. The stranger smiles, greets me and then asks me the question.

“Will you sign my book?”

Today it happened, though. I looked up at the female stranger and could barely contain myself. I couldn’t catch my breath. I thought I might cry. Deeply flattered, I could only mutter “really?”

Then I got a grip and handed another stranger my camera to document the moment.

“Grace & Gumption Cookbook,” published by TCU Press, is an offshoot of 2007’s ”Grace & Gumption.” Both books profile Fort Worth women who created, pioneered and led the formation of the city. The newer one, of which I was one of 14 female contributors, is much more than a cookbook. It’s a social history of many of Fort Worth’s founding mothers, with the cooking just one aspect of it all.

Most of the women who worked on the first “G&G” returned to write for the second, but two of us, Brenda Sanders-Wise and myself, were recruited to fill spots. The recipes found range from roasted wild pig to pound cake, but some of the stories are wilder than the pig. There’s a tale about what Ginger Rogers’ mother smuggled into hotels and another about who really came up with the Baird’s Bread recipe.

I was assigned to write about artists, so Chapter 9 is my favorite chapter. Many of the artists were too busy creating in studios to create in the kitchen, but others were adventurous with spices once considered exotic.

The new book is on sale now at TCU’s bookstore at the corner of Berry and University in Fort Worth. If you buy one, I promise I’ll sign it for you.

Entertainment is one thing; wasting your own life is another.

If you could see me now, I’m shaking my head in disbelief. Even as oil spews into the gulf and a war rolls on, what’s making news again is some well-coiffed single guy and his made-for-TV girlfriend have called off their engagement.

I ask you: why does anyone besides their immediate family and best friends care? And while I’m thinking about it, could I have a show of hands of how many people actually are surprised?

I once watched “The Bachelor” as a sort of bonding experiment with a college-aged daughter. I’m sure what enjoyment she could have garnered from this activity was lost because I couldn’t restrain my guffaws, sighs and outright cackles over the stupidity of it all.

A romance, calculated to end in the middle of TV rating sweeps, consisted of lavish picnics, helicopter rides and candlelit dinners. As the TV cameras rolled, the handsome guy was supposed to find his life partner.

Really?

Here’s a better idea. Let’s have a reality show where the people have to deal with tangled Christmas lights. Or sit next to a jerk who won’t show up in a crowded movie theater. Or traffic that results in missing the kickoff of the big game. Then we can see how the two deal with a little of life’s disappointments.

Once the camera lights were gone, and the staged dates were over, evidently reality without the TV were too much for Jake and Vienna. Geez, what a pity we’ll never get to watch their wedding.

But here’s another idea. Let’s have some real entertainment or let’s just turn off the TV during these idiotic “reality TV” shows and live our own lives.

Instead of waiting for the final rose, we could go out and smell some.

Updating is good.

Sometimes it’s a new hairdo; sometimes it’s a fresh coat of paint. Today The Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Fort Worth is updating itself with a “rebranding campaign.” The 84-year-old non-profit organization gave itself a whole new outfit in its mission to help disadvantaged youth.

This includes a new tagline, an updated logo and a complete redesign of the organization’s website ( www.fortworthkids.org). The new tagline, “Changing the Odds for Youth in Fort Worth,” was created “to reinforce and communicate the 84-year old organization’s mission of providing enriching programs for youth from disadvantaged circumstances so that they may develop the qualities needed to become responsible citizens,” according to the non-profits press release.

Expect to see the new look in such marketing efforts, as the new website, the organization’s 2009 Annual Report and other communications materials.

For more information about The Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Fort Worth and to see the group’s new look, check www.fortworthkids.org.

“Mr. Blue Shoes,” as Michael Dyson likes to refer to himself, is taking some creative new steps.

Michael, who along with his father Jeff, won a Grammy Award in 2008 for Last of the Great Mississippi Delta Bluesmen: Live in Dallas, will jump away from the non-profit Blue Shoe Project and stride into his own solo career.  A few years ago, the Colleyville father-and-son team created The Blue Shoe Project, a local nonprofit organization to bring the blues to classrooms across Texas. The project’s success has been marked not only by a Grammy Award, but also by hundreds of school children being educated about an American art form.

But now the son has left dad to wear the blue shoes, as Micheal transforms himself into “Michael D” to launch his performing and recording career. No one’s singing the blues, though, because Michael will remain an active supporter of the group and its advisory board.

Check out the arts group’s latest ventures at www.blueshoeproject.com

If you subtract an exciting city like New York, I’ve always felt really lucky that I consider myself a Southerner.

I like the word “y’all” said with a graceful drawl. I like that we know white shoes are worn only between Easter and Labor Day. I like that we consult football schedules before we plan weddings. I like that we can ask you what kind of “Coke” you want–Dr Pepper or Sprite.

I’m not sayin’ there’s anything wrong with those of you who happen to have been born Yankees; I just felt sorry for you that you didn’t get some of the same benefits as we did. I’m sure you have revered traditions, too, that I’m unaware of, so maybe it all evens out.

Now one Southern tradition that we need to maintain, no, re-energize, is the wearing of a posy in your lapel for Mothers Day. I grew up where men and women alike wore a red rose or carnation–most likely snipped that morning from their own backyards–to honor their mothers.

Nothing fancy, just a flower. Red if your mother was living, white if she’d passed on. People in the halls of my church were more likely to be sporting a flower than not. I have a fond memory of my grandpa wearing one in his lapel, and I was so, so, so proud one year when my dad bought red corsages for my mother, my sister and I to wear to church.

Can we start doing this again, y’all?

So the invitation was a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e.

I have always been one who pays attention to invitations…the party starts then, don’t you think? So when the Southlake Women’s Club’s  invitation came for the club’s “Welcome to South Beach” party, I knew it was going to be fun. All white and turquoise with a miniature sand dollar fastened to the beach-like band…somebody was putting some effort into this one. Give the credit invitation designer Deb Brown of Designing Type.

The party served as a kick-off for the club’s annual fundraiser, Art in the Square (www.artinthesquare.com, and as a thank-you for the festival’s many sponsors. So as artists were selling their wares outside, the ladies of the club took a couple of hours to celebrate.

At the Hilton Southlake Town Square, the decorations, of course, matched with white chair covers banded in that turquoise. (Did I mention I’m over black and white as decorations for every party?) The food too kept up the Miami-vibe–everything from Cuban sandwiches to crab claws and shrimp.

Discovered a new band that night, too. On the Way played music worthy of vacation-style fun, without resorting to one single Village People cover. Check it out at www.myspace.com/onthewaydfwband.

The party was filled with lots of the Southlake Women’s Club members and their husbands, including party chairwoman Ute Busse, former event chair Carmen Evans and current president Lisa Quin. There were others, too, such as Carolyn Sims of Keller, Rebecca Barksdale of Arlington and Karen and Mark Hood of Grapevine.

And from there the ladies left to work their shifts. Lucky them…the sun beamed down on the three-day festival. Sunglasses and sun block needed…almost like South Beach

Disco never died. Oh, it might have gone into hibernation for a while, but it’s very much alive.

I offer as evidence the Saturday night scene in Westlake where platform shoes, afros and shiny, polyester shirts were populating the Bear Creek Art Gala, held at First American Banquet Center. The disco group Le Freak, with its covers of the Bee Gees and KC and the Sunshine Band, headlined the party benefiting Young Artists of Texas, but the band’s giant afros weren’t enough to steal the spotlight.

The outfits pulled out of some back closet by the party-goers provided a good amount of entertainment. Halter tops, gold lame and a lot of shiny stuff became very popular. Dan Holmes, who proved he was loud enough to not need a microphone, topped his outfit with a particularly bad blonde wig, and I spotted at least one John Travolta-esque white suit in the crowd. A few of the ladies got their ’70s disco styles mixed up with their ’60s go-go ensembles. And some of them were short enough that one guy in attendance swears he can tell you what color one woman’s underwear was. Yikes. Or as John Denver would have said, “Far out, man.

As I averted my eyes from that Studio 54 replay so I could still gather my thoughts to write, I must say the night that slipped into the time warp provided more than one evening’s entertainment. The disco dancing, the local fare, the live auction, plus the bad hair and shiny outfits all were for a good cause–promoting the Lone Star State’s emerging artists.

To promote young, Texas artists, Jenny Tilbury founded YAT (www.yatgallery.org) five years ago, opening the YAT gallery in 2006. Plans include a gallery night from 6 to 9 p.m. June 9 at the gallery, 246 S. Main St., Keller. And for that, with our disco inspiration, shall we all Hustle on that Saturday Night for a Funkytown Celebration? Of course, I know there’ll be some Hot Stuff  there, and Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough art created by the young artists.

Maybe my disco headband is squeezing my brain, and I should stop now. I know I Will Survive because That’s the Way I Like It.